I'm Sick Of Being Sad

i am a slave to my emotions
i cannot fake what i don't feel.
neither can i fake what i do feel.

i am sick of being sad, too.
but this is not a gimmick.

all the sadness, anger, guilt and fear
i wish for them to disappear.
for this is not me.
and as much as i miss the world & you, i miss me more.

to fully heal,
i cannot bury or ignore these emotions.
this healing process takes time.
i need to give my heart time to heal.
but i am not sure how much time i have left.

at times, i thought i got over it
but waves of sadness, anger, guilt and fear keep coming back.
and i hate it when they do.

just waking up is a struggle
that is why i know i am not me.

i beat myself for being weak
but who is the tough cookie?

get me out of this.
i am sick of being sad.