The End of the Road

If I see a worse film than 2012 this year it'll only be because Roland Emmerich rushes out another one... not that it wasn't well-made on every technical level, but it was of an order of dumb magnificence that pretty much took my breath away.

Its narrative intelligence was at the level of a simulator ride, and the bits that made it worth sticking through were exactly those moments where some vehicle or other was hurtling through a collapsing CGI landscape. Cusack, Ejiofor and company sell their terrible lines with such commitment that they ought to be the front-runners in every awards race that's going. Any halfway decent actor can find motivation in a good script and play their role sincerely; it takes a titan of the profession to bring conviction to shit like this.

One example. Some organisation is charging a billion dollars per passenger for a place on an ark that will let the purchaser ride out the complete destruction of all civilization on earth.

Er... why? That includes the banking system and all currency, folks.

And would you want to trust your life to the design and engineering skills of someone who couldn't even think that one through?

Apparently people have been calling radio stations in the US, worried that the Mayans had predicted all this and that it's all going to come true. I reckon that's all the proof you need to justify taking someone's kids away.

Here's what I'd like to see; a video mashup combining 2012 and The Road. Two sides of the same apocalypse. It shouldn't be too hard to find match cuts to counterpoint The Road's exploration of the father-son relationship with 2012's many 'I love you dad' moments. The Road's dour and sombre tone would add a much-needed gravitas to 2012, which in turn would liven up the Viggofest with some much-needed campervan stunts and exploding cities.

Then at the end, Mad Max shows up and saves the kid. Doesn't matter which kid.

Moderation in all things, say I.